CA 153 Breast Cancer Tumour marker, Clinic visit – £99

How the diagnosis of “Cancer” came into my life…

When doctors diagnosed me with breast cancer at the age of 29, I already knew a few things about life. For example, cancer is a complex and insidious disease, but it can be treated successfully. And if many people can do it, I will, too. Because who else but me — a young mother of two (motivation — one!), an energetic optimist (positive attitude — two!), who pays attention to details and can organise high-quality CA153 treatment (common sense — three!) — could cope with it?

I had experience working on various projects and a rough idea of how to act. We set a goal, set a deadline, work hard — and ultimately get a beautiful and successful project codenamed “I beat BC!” The world actively supported me, perked up after a long period of oblivion, and finally admitted that people can truly beat BC. Loud success stories echoed from everywhere—celebrities shared interviews about their battles and victories, and the Instagram feed overflowed with hashtags. I so greedily absorbed these stories that I had no doubt – of course I can do it.

The Harsh Reality of Relapse

Now I will undergo a course of chemotherapy, then an operation, radiation – and that’s it. And that very life will begin. In the rays of the deserved glory of the winner, with bonuses in the form of learning the true happiness of being here and now. I will no longer care about trifles and quarrels. I will gain a strong and stable understanding of the value of the moment. This will happen immediately as soon as I win, but I need to grit my teeth and fight for now. I missed the deadline by a few weeks. Before the final operation, with which my new happy life was supposed to begin, I was diagnosed with a relapse.

Then, for the first time since the diagnosis, I seriously and for a long time fell into the abyss of despair and misunderstanding.

The Endless Fight

I was prescribed a new course of chemotherapy, then another, and another… Soon, I lost count, completely burned my veins, installed a port for the introduction of “chemo”, shaved off the slightly grown hair and realised – this would last a long time. And after a couple of years, litres of drugs and several unsuccessful operations, I finally realised: not for long. Forever.

Before, I thought that people either died from cancer or won. Where I ended up was unclear. I was still alive – still raising children, and was happy to tears when my short hair turned into a convincing bob, continued to work as much as possible. But I still did not win. The disease either timidly hid from the new therapy or, having sat in the shadows and gathered strength, went on the offensive again.

It so happened that in this difficult period of treatment, which they prefer to forget as soon as possible, I now had to place my whole life.

“You will win!” “You are strong!” – my friends write to me on social networks. And if something goes wrong, they will write: “She fought to the end, but the disease was stronger.” This is the best case. In the worst case – this happens if a person consciously chooses to spend her last days with loved ones and not torturing herself with useless therapy in the hospital – they will add that “she, unfortunately, gave up.”

Understanding What Victory Means

But what is a victory over BC? From a physiological point of view, we can consider a victory a long-term remission when control examinations reveal no disease symptoms. When remission lasts more than five years, we can talk about a complete cure, although doctors prefer not to use this wording: it is impossible to predict whether a relapse will occur and in what time frame. It depends on various factors – the type of tumour, the form of cancer, the stage, the age, the treatment regimen, and the state of the body.

The right attitude and the desire to live also work with others. In essence, victory over cancer comes from a lucky coincidence when most key factors align in a smooth and strong chain. You can desperately want to live, but we are powerless to influence the location and aggressiveness of the tumour, our age, or the reaction of tumour cells to therapy. It is impossible to lose or win when it is not a game.

Finding Joy in Small Moments

Over the years of treatment, I have seen different patients. Believe me, there is no pattern. Bright, strong, and courageous people who did not give up for a moment passed away. Later, they also wrote about them that “they could not win,” but this is not true. I saw it with my own eyes. They won daily when they laughed at simple things through pain and tears. Also, they won when they chatted with friends, hugged their children, ate delicious food, and watched a great movie on the eve of an important examination. They won when, despite the realisation that the odds were on the side of the disease, they found the strength to move forward.

Because there are things we cannot change, the only thing left is to change our attitude toward them.

Even if the world around us continues to believe in superheroes and waits for the final battle between good and evil, we will no longer allow ourselves to be fooled. Our eternal thirst for miracles and loud applause after a successful death stunt distracts us from the main thing—ourselves and our “today.”

What happened next…

If we stay there, in the noisy crowd, from which we hear: “Everything will be fine!”, “You will win!” we risk believing again that the meaning is in this illusory victory, some special day X, when we will proudly announce to the world about our won war.

But this day may never come.

The True Victory: Life Itself

Victory over BC is too conditional to put it on a pedestal. I prefer to embrace life itself—whether with BC or without loud slogans—but as real life, the kind that doesn’t need to be sacrificed for the sake of showcasing results. It is time to change the attitude towards cancer – stop making a hero out of it. We are learning to live with it, and this is a sufficient argument to declare a truce. I believe that someday we will not have to fight; we will be able to tame it, but for now … There are us, our children, and our lives – weeks, months, years. So why devalue them? Aren’t they an absolute victory in themselves?

A person with cancer must fight. Sometimes, they give up, cry, and get tired—because they are alive, and it is hard for them. He needs tremendous support; it is important for him that people around him understand his condition and respect him.

The Power of Honest Support

In my opinion, this is much more important than blind faith in a miraculous cure. So, think about your comments. And instead of empty words like “You will win, I have no doubt!” write something honest: “I am here, I think about you, if you need my help, I will help”? This will be the best proof of involvement and understanding someone else’s difficult situation. Then all this will finally stop looking like a boxing match, the outcome of which the spectators are waiting with such passion. Could you give up the tickets? We do not need a full house. We want to live as long as we are allotted and not break our faces until they bleed to be called winners. Because we have already won – when we realise that our unique today is too good to sacrifice for the sake of an illusory tomorrow.

My Journey Today

At the end of May, it will be 8 years since I continued my journey and fight against cancer. I have undergone more than 200 courses of chemotherapy, dozens of operations, and several rounds of radiation. I am currently participating in a clinical trial of a new drug because, at the moment, there are no more drugs for my disease.

Even after so many years, it hurts me to realise that I was unlucky—unlucky to get through it, get cured, and leave this CA153 story behind. However, this is probably my path. My path is to support those who find themselves in a similar situation.

My manifesto is unconditional support for women caught up in this fight. I sincerely believe that it takes special courage and fortitude to answer questions like “You’ve already been treated; why chemotherapy again?” “maybe you should change your doctor?” or (my favourite!) “Maybe it’s psychosomatic?”

There was chemotherapy, but alas, we did not break up. But I value every day I’ve lived. I’m grateful for the treatment that I was able to see my children grow up and be with them. I want to continue living no matter what.

I’d be glad if you posted my story. I think it’s very important not to create a cult of winners. After all, many of us live with stages 3 and 4 and continue fighting.

I currently live in Munich because I’m receiving treatment here.

What happens next…

I dream of getting well. This year, I participated in a clinical trial of a new drug. I dream that it will be the one that will be able to fundamentally break the course of the disease and give me a life without cancer.

But no matter what happens, I want to remain energetic, brave, cheerful and be with my family for many years!

Big hugs, Ana)